


Ruin

by ALovelyLitwit



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Conversation Fic, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Reunion Fic, Slight Suicide Ideation, a touch of hurt/comfort maybe, anti-forrest, slight sexual content, some dark thoughts from Alex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:55:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29662785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALovelyLitwit/pseuds/ALovelyLitwit
Summary: Alex and Michael fall back into each other. In the aftermath, Alex reveals what brought him back to Roswell.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 35
Kudos: 129





	Ruin

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Valentine's Day event prompt 'I just wanted a chance to look at the stars with you.' But I didn't finish in time. I have another fic on the go with this same prompt. Maybe one day I'll finish that one too.
> 
> My favorite thing to write is dialogue. I love writing Malex bedtime conversations. I'm tempted to make this into a series. No one encourage that.

**You do not have to be good.**

**You do not have to walk on your knees**

**for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.**

**You only have to let the soft animal of your body**

**love what it loves. - Mary Oliver**

\-------

Michael can feel Alex practically seething behind him, but he doesn’t try to placate him by typing any faster. Instead, he secretly smiles and keeps at his glacial pace, knowing full well revenge is on its way.

He hopes it’s sweet, the revenge. 

It’s time. It’s way past time.

Ostensibly, they are searching through various databases trying to find whatever information they can about Eduardo Ramos. Alex has been standing behind him in the cramped Airstream for almost an hour now, not at all patiently waiting for Michael to take his turn going through various search criteria. He tries to offer helpful typing advice like using more than two fingers, but Michael ignores him, pecking away at the keyboard painfully slow.

It’s not that Michael doesn’t know how to type. He does; he just prefers the two-finger method because it gives him time to think about his next move, a habit he formed after what had happened to his hand. And two fingers have always served him well enough on his phone so there’s no need to break what isn’t broken. Alex’s frustration is just an added bonus. 

Before he can press enter on his latest search, Alex’s release valve bursts, and he swats Michael’s fingers away from the keyboard of his high tech military laptop, sliding between Michael’s knees and the tiny desk before plopping down unceremoniously on his lap and clacking away at the keyboard angrily.

Time for the sweet revenge. 

They are in a good place right now, regardless of Alex’s current mood. Working together to defeat Jones has really brought everyone closer, including the two of them once Forrest had been kicked to the curb. Which is Michael’s preferred description of how things played out, but he imagines Alex’s version isn’t much different. 

While he works, Alex doesn’t keep still. He squirms like there’s an itch in his ass, grinding gently against Michael’s cock in an incredibly unsubtle act of payback. Michael keeps his hands to himself, satisfied smirk quirking up the corners of his mouth, and rides out Alex’s punishment, not bothering to restrain his reaction. Instead, he closes his eyes and imagines exactly what he wants to imagine. After all, they were always going to end up back here in this place. And this time around, he intends to enjoy every single second.

Halfway through his daydream, Alex settles back against his chest. ‘All done.’

‘Well, I’m not.’

He snorts. ‘I didn’t come here for that.’

Alex shifts to rise from his perch on Michael’s lap, weakly attempting to avoid whatever might happen next, but Michael snakes his hand between Alex’s thighs and laughs when he discovers Alex is just as ready as he is. ‘Bullshit.’

Slamming his laptop shut, Alex steps out of his reach. ‘Time for me to go.’ But he’s grinning and making absolutely no effort to leave, staring down at Michael’s mouth like he’s seeing it for the first time. 

‘You’re not going anywhere.’ Michael stands and pushes Alex toward his bed, removing the laptop from his hands and depositing it on the small kitchen counter. Alex doesn’t object, just smiles and starts unbuttoning Michael’s shirt with all the dexterity of someone who’s done this dance a thousand times. The late-afternoon sun filters through the cracks in the covered windows, chasing away any shadows and leaving them both soaked in sunshine and the bliss of starting over.

\-------

Hours later, Alex is propped against the makeshift headboard of the bunk bed, Michael tucked between his thighs and hugged tightly to his chest. They aren’t speaking, both quiet and contemplative about where this leaves them and what happens next as the sun sets outside. Alex runs his hand back and forth over Michael’s chest, reacquainting himself with the solid beat of his heart and the thickness of his chest hair while Michael nearly falls asleep basking in the gentle attention.

Eventually, Alex pauses his absent-minded ministrations and sighs. ‘I missed you.’ Michael grins, twisting his neck up to kiss Alex firmly where his pulse beats. ‘And not just the sex. I missed this, the heat of you pressed close. My own personal furnace. There’s no better feeling on Earth.’ 

Michael laughs, snuggling further into Alex’s chest. ‘Always the poet. Took you long enough to make a move. I was waiting on you to go first.’

Alex smiles into Michael’s curls, circling his thumb slowly around Michael’s nipple, making him twitch. ‘I figured. I wanted the timing to be perfect or something. I don’t know. And I didn’t necessarily come here for this today, but when I stepped inside there was just too much of you everywhere to ignore. And I was tired of fighting against everything that I want.’

‘Which is me.’

‘Which is you.’

They fall silent again. Back to enjoying the sounds of one another breathing and watching the shadows pool in the crevices created by the tangling of their bodies. Michael is keenly aware of the tension that suddenly creeps into Alex’s muscles and arches his neck up again in question. ‘Use your words.’

Alex snorts but doesn’t immediately say anything, just drags his eyes down to Michael’s, catching his gaze and holding on tight. ‘There are a lot of things I want to say to you, but I still struggle. I don’t know why. No one’s ever made me feel as safe as you do.’

Michael’s heart speeds up. ‘Try. Please.’

The muscles in Alex’s neck work as he swallows around his fear. ‘You were the one who saved me, after the IED and my leg. I woke up in that hospital, alone and in so much pain, angry that I hadn’t died when Prescott and Aimes had. Both of them with wives and little kids. It should have been me.’

He tries to wiggle out of Alex’s grasp, to switch their positions and hold onto him instead. But Alex only tightens his arms, staying him in place. So Michael presses his ear into Alex’s chest and listens to the sturdy beat of his heart while he continues speaking into the coming night.

‘Every day was some new fresh hell. Sometimes my dad was there with all his violence. And sometimes it was Greg with his silence, his not knowing what to say. Mostly, it was just me and the nurses and doctors and therapists who I either said viscous things to or stayed mute for days and days. My own violence. My own silence.’

The sun vanishes. The Airstream falls quiet in the darkness. The anguish in Alex’s voice leaks through all the invisible, jagged cracks of his body, and Michael wants nothing more than to take himself apart. To stitch Alex back together with his own broken, shattered pieces. 

‘You could have called me. I would have come. I’d have done anything to get to you.’ He doesn’t mean to cry, but the tears come anyway.

Alex buries his nose in Michael’s hair and takes a deep breath. ‘I almost called Maria once. Stoned and half out of my mind. I wanted her to do her psychic thing and tell me my future wasn’t worth living. It was so dark there, in those hospitals. There was never enough light.’

‘Alex.’ His voice is rough, pleading. They’re both openly weeping now. A release, a floodgate, a baptism. Covered in each other’s salt, each other’s snot. But safe and together and home.

‘And then one night, I had a dream. It felt real in my drug haze. I was stumbling on my crutches through the hospital lobby, pain shooting up and down my body. Cold sweat dripping down my neck. And I swear to god, I smelled rain.’ Alex pauses, takes another deep drag of Michael’s scent, nose buried in his neck. Michael reaches back and weaves his fingers through Alex’s hair, offering comfort. 

The night blankets them together as Alex continues. ‘I pushed through the doors and found myself back in the desert. The New Mexico desert. It was night. Cold and crisp and alive. The stars blinking overhead and the moon half-full. Just like that last night before I deployed. Remember?’

He does remember. Every word a knife, slicing until there had been nothing left to bleed.

‘Anyway, you were there, smiling and leaning against the fender of your truck. And I knew I needed to get home to you. I wanted a chance to look at the stars with you. One more time.’

Michael shifts now, pulling Alex into his arms. And Alex sinks against him easily, without protest. ‘You made it. You made it home.’

‘I did. I got better, and I requested a transfer to the new USAF installation in Roswell, hoping you’d still be here when I got back but prepared to find you if you weren’t.’ He yawns, pulling the twisted sheet around their legs. ‘And then I ruined it all over again.’ 

They laugh, and Michael takes his turn breathing in Alex, still trying not to drown in how close he’d once come to never getting this moment, this happiness. ‘You didn’t ruin anything. Does this feel ruined to you?’

‘No. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t try.’ Alex offers Michael a rueful smile as they slide further down the mattress and relax into their shared pillow.

Michael rests his head on Alex’s chest and holds him tight around the waist. ‘We both tried. But that’s over. Now we’re trying something new.’ He puts as much meaning and emotion into the words as he dares, hoping Alex understands what he’s saying. 

‘Yes. Something new.’ He absentmindedly runs his fingers through Michael’s hair as sleep begins to take them both. ‘Something forever.’

‘Something forever.’ Michael murmurs, nodding his head and closing his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
